Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
