just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
