i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Bring me that man meat
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
