I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
