That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
