I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
