Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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