You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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