God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
