i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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