take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize