well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
