I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
