You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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