Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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