I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
