All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
