Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
