Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I lost the right to judge tonight
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
