Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
