Need sex. Gaining weight.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
