My nipple is on Facebook.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
