I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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