Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
