We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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