Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
