were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
