you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
