This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
