He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
and you fell through a lawn chair
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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