Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
