haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
