You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
