I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
