Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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