you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
