I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
