First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
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