It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
