My hand turned me down
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
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Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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