he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
