I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You need a sexual gate keeper
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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