Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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