u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
