Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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