oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
