1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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