Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
