You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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