My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
