I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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