I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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