are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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