He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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