I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
