wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
