i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
