I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
