fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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