Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
