You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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