Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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