Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
