i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think people are normalizing furries
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
