I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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