U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
