if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I want to walk on stilts...naked
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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