Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
