i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
