I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can't turn off my feet"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
