I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
