i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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