My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
