Got a toothbrush?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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