I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
