Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
